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About Deviant Four-Eyed KoiFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 2 Years
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Harley Quinn Amigurumi by FourEyedKoi Harley Quinn Amigurumi :iconfoureyedkoi:FourEyedKoi 3 0 Harley Quinn Amigurumi Side Profile by FourEyedKoi Harley Quinn Amigurumi Side Profile :iconfoureyedkoi:FourEyedKoi 3 0 Harley Quinn Amigurumi Doll by FourEyedKoi Harley Quinn Amigurumi Doll :iconfoureyedkoi:FourEyedKoi 7 1 Harley Quinn Amigurumi by FourEyedKoi Harley Quinn Amigurumi :iconfoureyedkoi:FourEyedKoi 11 9
Gods Save Us All 2- Choice
As Alec fumed over his realization, the dragon stopped roaring fierce-somely. The beast, Alduin, blinked. Something was wrong.
Alec looked at the large, black monster staring at him. "Hi," he said uneasily.
The beast continued to stare, upsetting Alec. Did he have something in his teeth?
"Zu'u Mindok Fin Rah Lost Lahvraan Osos Rinik Tiiraz Aanne Fah Morokei Hunne Us, Nuz Daar Los Aan Munax Ahraan Wah Dii Kah." Alduin finally said.
"Uh..." Alec replied, "I don't speak Pyandonean. Sorry."
The dragon shook his head. What the hell was Pyandonean? Oh, no. He had to leave- and now.
Alec watched the beast as it took to the air and got up from the ground, deciding it was time to leave himself.
He was having a hard time figuring out where to go, though, what with all the carnage and destruction around him. It was all so confusing. But, to his delight, he spotted two people who could hopefully give him some directions.
Ralof and Hadvar had been trying to encourage people to follow them out of th
:iconfoureyedkoi:FourEyedKoi 0 0
Weep 7- Moonbeams
The weeks following Critare's departure had been the amongst the longest in Cicero's life. And the most agonizing, by far.
He had worried himself to sleep the first night, fidgeting internally with all his insecurities over what he had presented Critare hours before. His first thoughts the following morning after he had leapt out of bed where to see his friend so they could go about whatever the day presented them together, as they had all those previous weeks. His second thought was that she wasn't there for him to spend the day with anymore.
He had flopped back down on his bed once he recalled this, feeling an awful yet small weight bearing down in his chest.
One day. Two days. Three days were all it took for Cicero to finally complete his contraption for Mother. He didn't know why he even bothered with it. The whole point of making the stupid thing was so it could offer Her UnHoliness protection while he was away, helping Critare... which he wasn't. His progress before the girl had
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Mature content
Gods Save Us All 1- Not a Great Day :iconfoureyedkoi:FourEyedKoi 1 3
Mature content
Gods Save Us All- Prolouge :iconfoureyedkoi:FourEyedKoi 1 0
Weep 6.2- A Heart for You
"Cicero would like to thank the wizened old wizard once more for all his assistance with the spiders," Cicero smiled sincerely as he examined the blacked wire lined with a dozen or so dead spiders in his hands.
Minutes before, he had quickly stuck them all on the stiff wire- and at the abdomen to unsure they wouldn't die too soon- before coming to the wizard who gave the beasts a few tiny shocks with him magic, as Cicero had arranged for earlier.
"He will not forget his service today," Cicero continued. "And neither will Mother."
The old wizard grumbled, "Well, when you had told me yesterday that you wanted to use my talents with magic to electrocute some defilers of the Night Mother's sarcophagus, of course I was more than willing to help. Only I hadn't exactly expected... little spiders. But I promised to do it... So there it is."
"Oh, the wizard shouldn't feel so insulted," Cicero chastised playfully, making the old man roll his eyes. "Desecrators and heretics are desecrators and he
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Weep 6.1- A Heart for You
Cicero tip-toed back into the Sanctuary at about an hour before midnight, holding Critare's cloth-wrapped gift in his hands. In matter of hours she was to leave the Sanctuary for her first contract, so Cicero had to hurry if he was going to have the gift ready on time.
He quickly snuck through the halls, as silent death. While he made his way to his chambers he mused over the past number of weeks in his life, trying to wrap his head around all that had happened in them.
"You know, dearest Mother," Cicero said as he massaged oil onto the Night Mother's palm. "The funniest thing happened yesterday- eh, not funny exactly- Cicero knows funny and what happened yesterday wasn't funny... What was it then? Odd? Strange? Unusual? Well, it was quite unusual. Critare- you know, the weeper, the Pretender's slave- listened to me. Actually listened to my jokes and-"
Cicero gasped, "And then that Pretender came in and started yammering about 'good news'... No, she did not say sh
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Weep 5- The Solitude Ends
Cicero fumbled with his torn hat, stressing it in his hands as he nervously paced the hall outside his meal area.
The weeper, Critare, was in there. And he couldn't bring himself to face her after the day before. He peered through the door, looking at Critare once again. The slave was still seated at Cicero's cratered table, absorbed in her present task: mending her baby doll.
After she had fully recovered from her freezing state, the Pretender started her interrogation. She wanted to know where she went and what she had done. She conducted her assault in the lobby, placing the frail girl in the center of the Brotherhood, circled around her. For the dog, the show was a total bore. But to everyone else, excluding the grey-snob who was still not present, the matter had been a source of extreme discomfort. Having formed an attachment with the girl, they all were bothered by having to watch her as she was ruthlessly bullied. Perhaps their unease could have been relieved some if they had be
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Mature content
Weep 4- Missing the Wood Faery :iconfoureyedkoi:FourEyedKoi 0 0
Weep 3- Charm and Pity
It had been only two months since the slave had infiltrated His Emptiness' final sanctuary, but since then things had changed greatly for her. For one, Critare's amount of work was reduced, somewhat. But that lesser quantity of work was traded for new tasks and assignments... as well as privileges.
It was all clear why, to Cicero. He knew that the only reason anything had changed at all for her was because she had so cleverly beguiled everyone. Got them thinking she must be as precious and fragile as fine Argonian porcelain. Oh dear, they were all good and charmed by her false sweetness and soft obedience. Pitying her with her shabby crocodiles' tears. Foolishness. It was foolishness, all of it. Cicero didn't even know why he stood for it in his Sanctuary.
The Pretender and her pet were the only ones other than Cicero who had not seemed to have any change of heart over the weeper. Whatever troubles or vexations were on the whore's mind would be tallied in brusies on the servant's back
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Weep 2- The Weepy Slave
When Cicero had first seen Critare, he had thought she wept because she was such a tiny weakling, frightened and desperate for survival then. He had even written off her crying the first few days of her new life as a slave to just that- a mourning of her loss of freedom. But then the next day came, and she still wept. Then the next day, just the same. And by the next week, there was the weeping, still.
It turned out she was just a weakling, plain and simple. Cicero didn't like it when he guessed things wrong.
He was quite impressed by the amount she wept, though. He had spied on her, just to see if there was ever a time she didn't cry. There were times- maybe two or three- when she might have not been crying, but after a month Cicero was finally sure that she was incapable of not-weeping. She cried when she worked, she cried when she ate, and she cried in her sleep. Cicero had even caught her crying while she was laughing at something the little monster had sai
:iconfoureyedkoi:FourEyedKoi 0 6
Weep 1- A New Child For Mother
Oh, was it not enough that they were already such lousy, lazy blasphemy to the face of Sithis?
It just seemed rather excessive to Cicero that they all had to be so boring as well.
Cicero sighed sorrowfully as he watched a number of the Brotherhood's remaining handful of assassins lounge apathetically around the dining area of the Sanctuary. The un-child and the grey-snob were talking of flowers and moss and where to find them... as if they didn't know those things could be found in the cave. And perhaps they didn't. The Redguard napped at the table, something which angered Cicero. When he had slept at the table before, they had all yelled at him to get to his room. But no one yelled at the shadow-skin. The Pretender sat on a counter, eating her baked potatoes while reading with her chin held high like the queen she thought she was. This aggravated Cicero most of all.
Altogether, the atmosphere of the Sanctuary was as it usually was: stagnant and stale as the air of the cave it found it
:iconfoureyedkoi:FourEyedKoi 3 4


Small but Psychotic by Zamzummimz Small but Psychotic :iconzamzummimz:Zamzummimz 304 71 Catwoman - Batman Arkham City by felicia2809 Catwoman - Batman Arkham City :iconfelicia2809:felicia2809 10 1 This place is dangerous... I like it! by agirlfrommars This place is dangerous... I like it! :iconagirlfrommars:agirlfrommars 31 4 Oh, there you are ... by agirlfrommars Oh, there you are ... :iconagirlfrommars:agirlfrommars 21 2 Your mind will shatter like glass! by agirlfrommars Your mind will shatter like glass! :iconagirlfrommars:agirlfrommars 16 3 Catwoman in Arkham City costume by hollymessinger Catwoman in Arkham City costume :iconhollymessinger:hollymessinger 58 9 Heath Ledger's Joker by TovMauzer Heath Ledger's Joker :icontovmauzer:TovMauzer 1,061 239



These are a few tenets that I have adopted over the past year to do my part to reduce what I believe is a real humanitarian issue: treatment towards the mentally ill. As I personally studied these ailments independently, partly out of curiousity and partly out of desire to understand the diagnosis's of those around me that I loved, I came to realize that I had not known as much as I thought I did about the different disorders- if anything at all. Over time, and personal contemplating I developed these tenets that I am going to share with you.

Please, if you read this, take into consideration what I have to say.

1) It's just a medical condition!

Really, it's just that. Mental illness is no moral fault, it's nothing no one asks for, and is certainly not something we can control completely. So why are those of us who have been diagnosed (or are in denial of our symptoms) so ashamed to publically declare it? Part of the reason is that we haven't really acknowledged as people that it is just a medical problem. You wouldn't be ashamed to have cancer or be embarrassed to explain your allergy to peanuts, would you? Why should you be? 

No, your ailment is never your identity, but its these small things about us that have a part in making us who we are: unique, perfectly made individuals.

Anyone who reads this and is afflicted by a mental disorder know that you are loved and valuable. So if you are in denial of your symptoms- don't be! You are just too precious to allow yourself to be living in secrecy, shame, and the struggle of solitarily dealing with your symptoms. Do not fear the labels a diagnosis will bring. You deserve to seek the treatment which will help you live a fulfilling, fuctional life. It's the rest of us that need to be more accomidating to you. 

Mental illness is not to be mocked, used as a label, or a reason to discriminate. An informed and educated society is a fair and harmonious one.

2) The TV is a Stigma's Best-Friend

 I don't care how smart Spencer Reid might sound while he's listing facts about schizophrenics- Criminal Minds is a tv show! An entertaining one, yes. But one which features countless twisted facts, psedo-sciences and myth-busted theories, half-presented truths, and somethings which are just plain make believe. 

This is what makes the media so dangerous for the mentally ill. And it's not just Criminal Minds which does it, it seems to be common practice in all forms of media. 

By constantly writing the schizophrenic as the loose-canon serial killer because it's good television, writers and producers are essentially turning people afflicted with the disorder into threats to society in the public eye. A poor trade-off, if you ask me. 

Now let me ask you: when's the last time you heard of a diagnosed schizophrenic killing anyone on the news? Now, how many killings did you see just today? I'm guessing none of those were by "crazy maniacs"? No, I'll bet that they were in fact by normal people. 

True, not all serial killers on crime shows are insane. But then again, whenever there does happen to be someone diagnositically insane, they are virtually always a serial killer. 

I'm not trying to say that all tv is bad and shouldn't be watched. My point here is that you can't trust a show which is designed and catagoried for entertainment to educate. It's silly. When you have studied these things, only then can you have a right to feel as if you know everything. It's okay to watch a show for fun. Just remember its a show; don't swallow everything you hear, be discerning. Be wise

And it's not just schizophrenics that are being misrepresented all the time. (Though I do believe that the disorder has gotten the worst of what the media can do.) 

Which brings me to my third tenet.

3) "Bipolar" is a Medical Condition, Not an Adjective

This is something that my generation is particularly guilty of, using the names of these disorders- or abbreviations of them- like they are adjectives (and usually as negative ones).

Well, here's some news for you: they're not. 

I don't care if it feels over the topic to say this: using the words "bipolar" or "ocd" to describe anything that you don't like is abusive of the terms and promotive of the stigmas. Forget that it is gramatically incorrect- it's morally wrong! 

Using any word in a negative fashion, over time, puts negative connotations on a word. The meaning of "crazy" is so confused now when you think about it. How did it get that way? Mostly from being misused as a slur everytime someone got pissed-off and flinging it at someone they couldn't be bothered to deal with like an adult. Now it's this weak, albiet unlike-able label. 

No wonder people with bipolar mania and ocd are so ashamed to announce their diagnosis to even the people they should feel most secure around. The words already carry so much hate-loaded baggage piled on by all of us. 

Most people don't even really know what bipolar mania, OCD, and DID (you might wrongfully call this last one Multiple Personality disorder) are. Yeah, they might think they do but they don't. If you have not legitimatly researched or studied any of these disorders, I dare you to go and do so. Tell me if that was the same exact knowledge name-calling spewage gave you. 

My point is this: if you want to help end the stigmas on mental illness, refuse, from this point on to misuse any of the names or nicknames thereof of all mental disorders and their appropriate symptoms (this would include crazy, insane, mad, pyscho, loony, etc). Sure it will be hard and you won't be able to stop using them overnight, but your commitment to a better world is what matters most. Just keep in mind that your vocabulary is big enough to find a word which is actually appropriate to say what you want to. 


Four-Eyed Koi
United States
A dc and marvel fan (amongst other things).

Amigurumi is my medium of art. I am more experienced with writing. Check out my account on


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TheLuLunatic Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Happy Birthday!
Whisper292 Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday! :cake:
FourEyedKoi Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2015
Daw, thank you! 

I didn't know anybody could know! What's more I am surprised anyone left any message at all. 

It means a lot. Thank you. 

And sorry for not seeing it earlier. Don't know what possessed me to check my DA today, but now I gotta 1300+ notifications pile-up and probably wouldn't have seen this until I got my next update for weep out (probably in the next month.) Top that with family, school, work, and my new form of anxiety-control--cosplay--and I get myself buried. My old loner habits are not conducive to keeping in touch with people. Sometimes I wish I was a social media nut. 

hey, Whisper, I was wondering. You haven't changed your profile image here or on ff for years (as far as I can tell). I'm curious, what is the story behind the butterfly if you do not mind me asking?
Whisper292 Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Not at all, although there really isn't much to it. We were in the butterfly house at the local zoo when this one landed right over my tattoo. The hubby got the shot, and I've used it ever snce. I've never been one to make a lot of changes to my ID, because that's how people can know me from site to site, so I've just always kept it.
TheJokerha Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
Thank you for the very true and insightful, helpful things you said in your journal entry. People should never be made to feel ashamed for being the victim of an illness or shamed out of getting help.
TheJokerha Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
Thank you for the watch. :D
Whisper292 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This was beautiful, and as someone with a mental illness, I thank you for posting it. Especially in the days since Robin Williams died, depression and mental disorders have been a big subject of conversation, and I'm happy to note that I've seen several posts similar to yours on different websites. If anything good could come out of his suicide, I think it's more awareness and understanding.

I suffer from Bipolar II Disorder, in which my high periods don't usually go into mania. I do my best to help people understand that bipolar doesn't mean insane, and I'm fortunate not to have had anyone say anything derogatory about it, at least to my face. I'm guilty of using "crazy" and "insane" a lot, although I usually don't use them to refer to a person; but I believe people are so used to using those terms that they've taken on a different meaning. I don't see the stigma going away altogether for a long time, if ever. But just spreading more awareness and helping people think before they judge (or speak) can only be a good thing.
FourEyedKoi Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2014
I did notice after publishing that journal, and seeing it in full-page view, that it had been lumped in with other Robin Williams related stuff. Not that this bugs me or anything. 

I had written it since it had been on my mind for so long. I could never publish on It all started with a person I know discivering they had boarder-line personality disorder the hardest way possible. With how many friends I discovered, after years of knowing them, had bipolar mania, ocd, or schizophrenia. With what I ventured to understand through study about all these things. And with everytime I listened to these people the most awful things (usually bitterly self-deprecating) about themselves, like "crazy" or "freak". 

As frustrated I am with normal people for the stigmas; I am frustrated just as much with many mentally ill people I know for accepting them when they deserve to think better of themselves.

I certainly hope that Williams death can be a door for more discussion and understanding for all mental illnesses, too. And thank you. I'm gladened to hear that my journal was a message pleasing to you as a person afflicted with bipolar disorder.

Its shocking to me how many people wouldn't understand what you mean about not going into mania during your "high periods" and how that relates to bipolar depression. Its my point in why I said people just don't understand the meaning of a medical name as common-knowledge as bipolar disorder and why you have to explain its not insanity or instability to so many people you meet. 

Thank you for sharing that, by the way. And I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I wish for all your periods to be moderately high. As someone who's been through major depression herself, I certainly could not imagine bipolar depression. Ugh, what I'm trying to say is that I wish you the best of health in your future days. I'm prayin' for ya!

Yeah, I imagine we'll never get rid of all stereotypes, not so long as stupidity remains a pandemic- when people refuse to accept the truth. But we open peoples eyes to the debunked myths and be open honest with ourselves and others about the hurts too fresh and subtle for us to acknowledge. 
Whisper292 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I get the idea that you thought your words about my illness were awkward, but they weren't; they were perfect. Thank you. :hug:
FourEyedKoi Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2014
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